[ Not so unlike Edelgard, Dimitri also can't help stealing another long glance at her, always so dedicated to her cause whatever it may be -- even something as inconsequential as indulging in whimsy. It's straightforward in its simplicity, and perhaps even childish as it brings forth a memory from their shared past, yet it puts such a smile on her face that he knows he would never have it in him to deny her the chance, even if he had wanted to-- though the mirrored curve of his lips is good indication he didn't.
So much has changed since the days they paraded hand-in-hand in the streets of Fhirdiad, but he doesn't think there will ever be anything that brings him this same unfettered joy as seeing her smile. To his luck, the task seems a little easier to accomplish, these days. ]
Choosing to share an aphrodisiac, eh? [ There is decided humor in his tone, a light breath he doesn't bother to hold back. ] That would certainly be the very opposite of sharing laced tea by accident, I suppose.
[ It's yet another reference to a more recent past, but can he really be accused of nostalgia when they're following in the footsteps of a pair of infatuated children this very moment?
But once that first wave of amusement dies down, he sips from his wine and gives it more serious consideration. The truth is that they have had surprisingly few aphrodisiac incidents together after establishing their agreement, but one of them had been particularly shameful to him-- every bit as feral as he always seems to go, but so much angrier. Back then, they did get to have a conversation about it, and as they worked through the details of their boundaries, he remembers... ]
You told me you wouldn't mind it, once. [ His free hand reaches for her knee, thumb stroking chaste circles. ] If I lost control under an influence, that is. But would you like that?
[ There's no more need for veiled confessions between them now, is there? ]
[ At least she is at a point where the mention of their aphrodisiac tea experience no longer brings a blush to her cheeks. By now they have been intimate by choice much more consistently than they were by manipulation.
Perhaps, in the most technical of terms, it is difficult to divorce their chosen intimacy from the island's manipulations -- it's true that she does not think they would have ended up in this position if left to their own devices on this island -- but it is so difficult for her to think of what she has with Dimitri as simply making the best of a bad situation. As resistant as she was to it initially, she is grateful for the opportunity to get to know him again. As much as she hated being manipulated and having him (and others) speculate about the influenced vows they exchanged, not all of her feelings have been manipulated and it's a joy without discomfort that swells in her chest when they're together. It could be said that the Augur pushed them together but they have never had to stay together. There's a soft fondness in her glance as he reaches for her knee, an idle desire to be touched just because. ]
I suppose-- [ Okay, well, this question manages to heat her cheeks a bit. She pauses in her etching, the G in her name complete. ] --that the best way to be certain that I would is to experience it in a situation without angry provocation. That was my primary objection the last time I felt as though your control slipped away.
[ The hand not holding the dagger reaches for his arm, gently holding the crook of his elbow. This is a question that deserves as candid an answer as possible, she thinks. ]
But I think I would, yes. I enjoy it when you are soft and sweet and prone to idle exploration but I also like it when desire and impatience get the better of you and your grip is so needful that it bruises.
[ Knowing she can have that effect on him is a powerful headiness and she is far from fragile. ]
[ It takes inhuman effort to rein in the urge to kiss her the minute he spots the fluster on her cheeks, that hint of self-consciousness that defies the intimacy of their time together and that so reminds him of more innocent days, the girl in twin tails every bit as adorable as the woman neatly sat upon a sink before him. Still, this is an important conversation, not to be interrupted on a whim.
And as she does go on, the joy in chest deflates just a bit, and though he knows she doesn't hold it against him, it would be neigh impossible to take the reminder in stride, not when he will carry the shame of that day -- and of his many years in a blind hatred for her -- for the rest of his life. ]
That anger is precisely what I fear. [ Though his gaze drops, her touch helps immensely, comforts and anchors him to this present in which they both forgive and are forgiven. ] I understand not every influence will be as such, and I know you are strong enough to withstand it, but the thought of hurting you in any way... it troubles me, still.
[ As long as they're being candid, then he shouldn't hold back on his honesty. Left to his own devices, he much prefers the softness of his thumb on her leg, the fondness of his forehead pressed to hers, the kisses he would so sweetly pepper all over her face if there was nothing else left to say. ]
However-- [ However, there is, and the smile he manages to summon back may be small, but genuine as ever. ] If it is something you believe you will enjoy, then I will not be opposed to experimenting with it. I can think of little that would not be worth trying for the sake of your smile.
[ Little he wouldn't do to make her happy, as much as their borrowed time together will allow for. ]
[ The brief dip in his mood, almost as if mildly chastised, is difficult to miss. She understands it as well as she can, aware of the shame he feels, and her hand lowers to his forearm, giving it a small squeeze. ]
Only once have feelings been manipulated toward anger and resentment.
[ Or perhaps it is only once that she knows of; either way she will not belittle this fear. She has no desire to harm him either. ]
If we use an aphrodisiac one day we can do our best to use something we know to have that particular effect and nothing more, but I hope I can ease your mind by saying you should not feel as though this is necessary.
When we originally negotiated our terms we felt similarly about inflicting pain on purpose. I don't believe either of our opinions on that matter have changed, although our level of trust has. We will stick to more natural urges for now and you may be certain that I will always let you know when I wish to stop something or try a different approach.
[ Although she has experienced being a bit... at his mercy, sandwiched between his body and the wall with little leverage of her own, that was an unusual incident -- one that she herself was unintentionally aroused to the point of near shamelessness for -- and she is no less confident than ever that she can take him on, both on and off a battlefield. ]
If it so happens that later tonight you had the urge to free me of my smallclothes with your teeth, I wouldn't mind.
[ Only once have feelings been manipulated, she says, and his instinct is to immediately retort that once is more than enough for someone who struggled with real anger and resentment towards her for so long. But he reins it in, and decides to let her finish her train of thought as he gathers his own, unencumbered by guilt.
It proves to be a wise decision. By the time she makes her final addition, he's huffing out another chuckle, light in breath and spirit. ]
That is a mostly safe urge to indulge in. Only my coffers will take any harm.
[ As further proof of his improved mood, he buries his face in the slope of her neck for yet another kiss, another deep intake of air that traps her scent in his nostrils. A natural source of comfort he so greedily claims without formal permission, a king turned thief. ]
And I appreciate your understanding, truly. But I do mean it when I say I am willing to try for your sake, El. You know I wish only for your happiness, and to do that, at first I thought I had to repress this beastly side of me. I may have long since accepted it, and others mostly tolerate it, but you...
[ He pulls away to seek her eyes again, and the stroke of his fingers turns into a squeeze, but a bit more forceful than a perfectly contained show of affection. Like he doesn't have to be around her. ]
You are the only one who may in fact like that side of me. Sometimes, I'm still unsure what to make of it.
[ But the thought sure does seem to cast a flustered smile upon his face. ]
[ The truth is that she isn't entirely certain she fully understands the side of him he refers to as beastly. She has so little personal experience with it. The rumors of the Tempest King that built over the years prior to her arrival here painted him as relentless, bloodthirsty, a force of nature. Two of those things make sense to her but there has been nothing bloodthirsty about this Dimitri in the time she has known him. This is a man who has been far more focused on salvaging what he could of his friendship with her than vengeance.
Without that particular drive what is this beastly side of him actually like? Would it be like sex in the passageway but without the pointed anger? All impulse, no attempt to rein anything in, just the pursuit of gratification?
When she thinks of it that way -- and within the contest of their relationship, her trust hard-won but freely given to him -- it intrigues. It's the antithesis of how she has lived her life since the carefree innocence of her childhood was ripped away: walls of distrust and secrecy and warranted caution, a well-maintained composure to inspire confidence in all she knew she would be doing, more importance given to what she needed to achieve than what she might personally enjoy, masks upon masks.
But Dimitri knows himself better than anyone and it is impossible to view this through a sexual lens alone.
Still, it is very sweet that he grows flustered. ]
In that case... we can try it, and that is all we need do unless we find that we both enjoy it. Agreed?
[ Her own cheeks warm. Now she has to lift her hand to the side of his face, so fond, and her thumb rests near the corner of his mouth. ]
You have not found any part of me so disagreeable that you have been unable to love me. It seems as though we are evenly matched.
[ He nods his assent easily, and that conveniently placed thumb earns a quick kiss from him as an afterthought, like the casual press of his lips to her has grown into instinct by now. It almost makes him wonder if she's come to expect it. ]
Whatever part of you which you may deem disagreeable, I am sure I could match it in kind. Should anyone think you a monster, that would make two of us.
[ There is a war upon their shoulders, and so much blood in their hands, and perhaps this specific choice of words even reminds him of a past that doesn't feel as far behind them now: the day they defended the Augur together, and she came to his rescue in a form he doesn't recognize. On the brink of death, so many of his memories had felt like a fever dream at the time, and yet Felix's confession had been real. Could this have been the case for Edelgard's transformation, too?
(If it is, that changes nothing between them-- save, perhaps, for the fact that she would be made even more perfect to him.)
But there is nothing monstrous about her feather-light touch on his face, or the way his arm snakes around her waist, body pulled that little bit closer to her-- almost temptingly so, and he just needs to indulge in another little kiss to last him for the following minutes, one more distraction standing in the way of their plans. Right now, they are more human than ever, clinging to fleeting happiness day after day, ever so vulnerable in the uncertainty of their last.
Somehow, it takes him back to their first. ]
To be evenly matched... I believe I told you something similar, when we first met on this island. Do you recall?
[ Perhaps one would not expecting sitting on the lip of a sink with a dagger in one hand to feel so romantic yet it does to her in this moment as Dimitri dips his chin to steal another kiss, as though it's a basic need like food or water. She has spent so long with most people at arm's length, even spent several years after her release from the palace dungeon not wanting to be touched by anyone, and now she enjoys his nearness more than she could ever have imagined. At times she craves it, and for now she has the luxury of feeding that craving every time she feels it. Tipping her chin up to meet his kiss, the dagger held carefully away from him, is a sweet indulgence. ]
I recall that on the night we first met here you used a turn of phrase I was certain you would later find particularly mortifying.
[ But even after the fact, when all influences were long gone, he presented a stubbornly unembarrassed front. ]
I'm afraid you were wrong, beloved. [ Dangerous words to be using with Edelgard, he knows, but the way another easy chuckle spills from him should tell her he means no serious accusation. ] I did not regret it, not one bit.
[ There was much about their relationship that did leave him mortified at one point or another, to varying degrees: their first time being intimate and the prospect of her suspecting him of purposefully offering her laced tea that he really only had meant as a thank you gift, their second time and how feral urges had driven him back to her home uninvited, the sex they had in her secret passageway just as the island wrung his old hatred out of him again. With their love solidified, most of those became reason for laughter much later on, but that one particular event as they waltzed together on an all too bright and loud dance floor? That, he would not change if he could. ]
Now, I admit that was in part wishful thinking from me. [ Moving to hold his glass with the hand encircling her waist, he is free to let his touch rise to the side of her face, stroke the line of her jaw and chin with his knuckles. ] And I may have been withholding privileged information, at the time.
[ The kiss pressed to her shoulder is almost an apology for a truth long since revealed, but just as indulgent, all the same. (Did he say his previous would be the last? Sorry, he lied.) ]
However-- [ When he pulls back up, there's just a tiny little quirk to the curve of his lips, and a subtle glint in his eyes. ] The fact remains that I was right.
[ Privileged information indeed. That subtle smirk of his is both endearing and maddening.
But she will complain not at all about the kiss he presses to her shoulder if he will not complain about the aggressive little tug she gives him, as though they could possibly get any closer than they are. ]
You are quite pleased with yourself, aren't you?
I say that whether you were embarrassed by your bold declaration or not you did not truly know at the time.
[ He had dated memories of her from childhood and more from their days at Garreg Mach before the war began, and those were not even technically of her, no matter how similar. Does she believe it now, though?
Well. She is surprised and if her cheeks are just a bit pink she will give him little chance to notice before she takes advantage of the opportunity to steal another kiss directly from his sly lips. ]
[ Why would he ever complain about it when he can be pulled into her grip without protest, a breath of laughter just before their lips reunite yet again-- and then the threat of a bite as they part, a playful show of ferocity that isn't entirely for show. Why complain when he has so many reasons to be pleased, to be happy with their relationship more so than with himself? All past transgressions aside, even he could not be this much of a fool. ]
Not at the time, no. [ An easy compromise, one he had already owned up to earlier. ] But I do know so, now.
[ It's no hunch, no suspicion or even wishful thinking; he knows so, with the absolute certainty of his beating pulse. His thumb brushes over warm pink then south, lingers over the corner of her lips, and almost as though in tune with her thoughts, he goes on before she can protest: ]
When I told you about my last meeting with your counterpart, I recall you said a smile would be as large a victory as you would willingly give. Yet, what I failed to tell you at the time was that, ever since our days together in Fhirdiad, that was all I ever wanted: to see you smile. And now I get to, every day, often as the very first sight to greet me in the morning.
[ When he presses his forehead to hers, his smile isn't as self-assured as before, but strong and confident all the same. ]
You would not take this victory from me, would you?
[ Her eyes sharpen with sly playfulness when he threatens to nip. He truly is the largest of three felines in this apartment, and no less likely to purr under her touch than Shadow.
But as he leans in to press his forehead to hers, his words so sincere, her eyes soften measurably.
She may never be able to fully wrestle her surprise over the fact that he managed to keep a piece of significant information from her for so long, neatly dashing a few of her assumptions about him, and as much as she doesn't wish to linger on a past she cannot change she can only imagine how she would have felt to arrive at Garreg Mach and know him instantly... only to be met with a complete lack of recognition. No matter how she had tried to steel herself over the years it would have been a blow to her pride to have the boy who gave her the dagger fail to remember doing so. ]
This may surprise you, Dimitri, but there are some victories I believe we can share.
[ Some. She will never lose her competitive streak. ]
My heart has known a lightness with you that it has known with no one else.
[ First as children, at a time when she felt as though she had no freedom or friends and had been taken away from her closest family. With him she was a child at play and barely a princess at all.
And now here, where her heart has felt so heavy and her life has felt too idle, so much unfinished. While their courtship has been wildly unconventional by home-grown standards she is constantly amazed by how sweet it is to wake up to him, to fall asleep with him, to memorize by touch the scars on his skin, to have him as a companion both in battle and situations much more mundane. An equal partner, burdens shared. ]
Every smile is a shared victory over ridiculous odds.
[ A single eyebrow is hooked in playful suspicion, though it quickly dissolves into another chuckle. Some victories, eh? He just can't help being endeared to her competitive streak.
And though his smile remains as she goes on, his easy amusement shifts into something both softer and warmer, so powerful that it feels as though his chest is not large enough to hold it in; it is joy in its purest form, the kind he, too, has only known at her side, the kind he strives to share with her day after day, with every other burden and every other sorrow they face together. He's known it for some time now -- he sees it in the gleam in her eyes when they move the furniture of their modest living space to make room for a dance, and in the fluster of her cheeks upon tasting a delicious dish they managed to perfection, and the lingering smile pressed to his chest as she drifts to sleep with his fingers in her hair -- but to hear it from her in no uncertain terms...
Well. It may make Edelgard pleased to know she has already outdone herself with the celebratory gifts. ]
In that case, we will continue to share many more, I promise. [ The briefest of pauses for the briefest of nuzzling, as though he absolutely had to give his affections a physical form lest he just combusted from them. ] On this island and beyond.
[ They will walk the same path, even should they part ways. This much, too, he knows with certainty.
Again, the prospect of departure is not one he wishes to dwell upon right now, so he trains his eyes on the present and the half carved out name in their kitchen cabinet, fingers reaching out to brush over the splintered edges. ]
I suppose this makes for an unconventional victory flag, but I could not think of one better suited for us. Thank you for this, my beloved.
[ He looks so happy -- so fond -- that it almost takes her breath away. In this moment he is the sun and she leans into him like the flower he once called her, eager for more. ]
I will hold you to that promise then.
[ Or at least she will where this island is concerned but this is not the time for her usual concerns and reservations. Arguably the best present she feels she can give Dimitri today is living in the moment with him, as unfettered as possible.
And happy.
A hint of a blush returns to her cheeks as his fingers explore her half-carved name. ]
I'm glad it pleases you.
[ It's only a minor act of defiance but it pleases her as well. So much about this place is transient, including this very cabinet wall that they carve their names on. Any day now they could request a change to the apartment that makes the kitchen look entirely different but as long as they live here together she would like for their names to stay. While they are not the children they once were, they have carved a place for themselves all the same.
Her smile widens a bit, her face nuzzled indulgently into his neck in a way that defies her words. ]
And if you stop being such an effective distraction I may even finish my name.
[ She calls him a distraction, yet it's her nose burying itself in his neck and tempting him to further lean into her touch, as though physical distance was the one natural enemy that could inspire them to join forces without words. How cruel, to leave the burden of parting all on him. ]
I would say you are the distraction, beloved. [ Is it so wrong if he indulges this one bit more, and nuzzles her right back with his cheek? Another sin he'll have to shoulder, maybe. ] Whereas you need to finish your name, I have yet to so much as start working on mine.
[ But they do have a task to complete, and other plans for the day, so he will woefully comply and pull himself away from her, though not without planting a kiss on her lips, a silent promise of more to come-- and the reinforcement of another, their impossible victories shared every day. For now, he settles for tasting red again, a pleasant warmth burning down his throat as he watches her get back to work with a memory that may reflect some of her concerns, unprompted but oddly in tune.
(And if his tongue is a little loose, well, they can chalk it up to the wine. ]
I do hope this mark will remain long after we're gone, though. I imagine the one in the manor must have vanished with it into that dream world.
[ As always, there is no shortage of things she enjoys doing with him (and at times she enjoys doing nothing in particular with him, quite possibly the sweetest of indulgences) and sometimes one nice thing is put off in favor of another nice thing but there's little they can't find the time for while their lives are so joined. At home there is so little time to work with; here there is nothing but time, whether she likes it or not. Of course she hadn't expected this to be a long-term arrangement when they left the hospital together but how could she have expected to enjoy this nearness so much, every day just a little drunk on their sheer proximity.
One day she will grow accustomed to it but she doesn't expect to enjoy it any less.
His kiss is brief and wine-sweet but it's enough to fortify her for now. Lifting the dagger again, she turns back to her carving with the letter A. ]
The one in the manor? [ She doesn't remember leaving a mark somewhere in his manor. ] What do you mean?
[ It's only after her question, head still pleasantly fuzzy both from the alcohol and her much more intoxicating attentions, that he realizes he really did manage to go this long without bringing it up with her. Huh. Perhaps he is better at keeping secrets than he thought. ]
Ah, right. [ The shortest of pauses, as though that would help him collect his thoughts. ] I never found reason to tell you about it, but when I first came upon that manor, there was a sign in the front which read "A House For Love Is Best Blessed On Every Surface." Such a message is nothing out of the ordinary, considering this island, of course.
[ There. Who would have thought that a suggestive note encouraging sex in all rooms of the house would be the easier part to explain, but time and circumstance had a way with shifting priorities.
The next portion, however, is a lot more compromising, more likely to enrage Edelgard or at least make her upset, and if he takes another sip of his wine, it's not only as a convenient excuse for delaying the inevitable. ]
Upon further inspection, there was a plaque in the entrance hallway. I removed it soon after settling in [ by brute-forcing it out of the wall and having to have it restored later on, but shh ] though I recall it said...
[ Sigh. He really should back out of it, but she'd just press him for answers, anyway. ]
[ She glances sideways at him, an eyebrow delicately arched. A house for love is best blessed on...
Ah. "Blessed."
Well, she can see some humor in that, she supposes. Now that her mind is pointed in that direction she can think of a few surfaces she would enjoy being irreverent on.
It has nothing in particular to do with her, however, but Dimitri seems to be... measured in his response. Curious. Opting for patience, she turns her eyes back to her carving and finishes the job. ]
You mean to say that your manor had been named for both of us?
[ He did wake up to the key some time after their visit to the hot spring, didn't he? She doesn't like that the robots have never been willing to overlook the exchange of influenced vows but she is not mad about this. It is just one of many examples, and one that no longer exists outside of the simulation. ]
She is... surprisingly calm about this, isn't she? Certainly not the reaction he would have expected, a year ago. He won't take it as a sign that she has changed her mind about the robots constantly insisting on the nature of their relationship, but it is a show of growth, nonetheless. ]
It would seem so, yes. Some time before stumbling upon the key to the manor, I recall having seen a few squares light up in my card, for acts that we completed together. And considering I did not request a trade, I imagine it was their idea of a gift to us.
[ A wedding gift, given both the timing of their vow exchange and the beginning of Dimitri's personal saga dealing with the bots and their questions about his wife. But that's something else she doesn't need to know.
Still, it's good to see she isn't upset, and this time the sip of his wine is a celebration of relief. ]
Come to think of it, that makes this apartment their second attempt at having us live together. To be frank, I much prefer this home and any signs that we write, ourselves.
[ Do his eyes trail over to the now finished name she has carved out? Absolutely. ]
[ A rather pointed gift. Look, she tries but she still blushes just a bit. ]
I would still argue that there was no union to celebrate as they seemed to wish. [ But he knows this. He knows she resents the manipulation. She will not linger on it now. ] But I suppose I may have spent more nights there than anyone but you.
Fortunately, as you say, not all of our decisions are made under influences. And-- [ As his eyes stray to her finished name, she smiles. ] -- we are more than capable of making our own mark.
[ Pushing herself off the lip of the sink, she trades her dagger for the glass of wine he left on the counter for her and takes a generous sip. ]
[ Edelgard please, can we just focus on the growth for once and not go right back to beating the dead horse? It's called agreeing to disagree-- and they came to an understanding over the more pressing issue, anyway!
Fortunately, he's in too much of a good mood to let such a (stubborn) comment bother him, so he follows the opposite direction when she slides off the sink, his own glass of wine traded for his newly gifted dagger.
Her teasing, on the other hand, does make him a little (hot and) bothered. ]
That, we surely can.
[ In fact, didn't they "bless" her old kitchen immediately before their first official dinner date started? Didn't they wind up sharing their meal in bed, and later eating each other up in lieu of dessert? For a pair of heathens, they sure were dedicated to reverence.
As he sets out to start carving the first letter of his name, another idle (horny) thought comes to mind, and rolls off his loosened tongue. ]
Incidentally, we never did use the room in the manor that was specifically designed for thorough blessings. It is a bit of a shame.
[ Thorough blessings, he says, and she has to stifle a laugh but she can't quite keep her smile from broadening. ]
The room with the stash of toys and accessories?
[ One might have thought their agreement would have taken them directly there. Would things have gone differently if they had started having sex in a room that was meant for it, and arguably less personal? She can't imagine. ]
A missed opportunity but not the only opportunity. Was there anything in the room that you had hoped to try?
[ Something he had hoped to try... hmm. That question actually gives him pause, and he withdraws his blade from the wooden surface right at the last leg of the "M" in his name. ]
To be frank, I'm not sure I understand what most of that equipment was meant for. [ This much is easy enough to admit; she must remember he had to read up on most of the acts included in his card before they first negotiated their terms, and he hasn't gone out of his way to learn more about kinks ever since. ] It may be that the dungeon environment influenced my perception of them, but I do reckon many which seemed like a type of torture device. At least the chains looked more durable...
[ Not so durable that he couldn't break free from them, but enough that it could help with the illusion of restraint. And yes, he understands that being bound must have enough appeal that it gets to be its own square, but without an influence or the position to offer real risk to Edelgard, he doesn't think he would mind relinquishing control to her on his own accord, no physical reminders needed.
Incidentally, that calls another memory forth: ]
It is true that was not the only opportunity, however. And if that room was meant to encourage the thrill of danger, I'd wager we have not needed any incentive before.
[ Is he guilty of drawing attention to (and maybe showing off with) his newly gifted dagger, flipping it over and catching it right by the handle before resuming his carving work? Yes. But he is also making a point here-- and he doesn't think Edelgard would forget about the time she used her own blade to cut a path to what she wanted to see in his trousers. ]
[ Well, she doesn't think him wrong when he says some of the equipment seemed like torture devices. Her own research at the library introduced her to a few things that still make her mouth want to twist in distaste. Sometimes it's difficult to be open-minded, especially when something makes unpleasant memories from the past surface.
There was something more... severe about the setting, though. And while that part doesn't particularly excite her there were a few accessories that were more intriguing.
His casual flip of the dagger makes her eyebrows rise and she huffs out a small breath of laughter. ]
No, we have not needed much incentive.
[ Of course she assumes he means the time she used the dagger to so helpfully free him from his clothes but he has also bitten her out of underwear as though it was nothing more than the inconvenient rind of a fruit. And what of their trolley ride? An aphrodisiac had been involved but not once did she protest that they should wait when his hand found its way beneath her skirt.
Still smiling over her wine, she watches him carve. ]
Are you suggesting that you would enjoy more dagger use?
[ There is an odd kind of romance in the idea of them both using their gifted daggers, as though it's some private ceremony only the two of them could understand. ]
[ There's a pause, and a hum that is most certainly just for show. His answer is nothing to consider -- he's already made it clear -- but he could elaborate on his reasoning, let Edelgard find that they follow the same line of thought. ]
I would say daggers are fairly meaningful to us, are they not? [ His own blade rasps against the wood, just an idle scratch as he takes a break and turns to face her. ] And though perhaps not in the traditional way, we have exchanged a pair that should see more use.
[ Fortunately, the wine hasn't loosened his tongue enough that he spills the entirety of the truth concerning the traditional way in which daggers are exchanged as her Faerghan rituals, all the less so as he learned from Sylvain on this very island. If he keeps talking, perhaps she won't notice and ask. ]
Besides, there is even greater significance to them. When we first discussed the terms of our old arrangement, we agreed that we would keep any weapons locked away as a show of good faith between unlikely allies. But now...
[ He casts a side glance at the work they have been chipping away at, and his smile stretches up to his eyes. Half-finished a job as it is, already it is a reminder of how long they have come since those days of uneasy cooperation; of how much they have grown together. ]
To bring them into the bedroom with us, and use them at our most vulnerable... It signals so much more than the trust we have built over the past moons.
[ It signals the love they have for each other, unabashed and uncontested. ]
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So much has changed since the days they paraded hand-in-hand in the streets of Fhirdiad, but he doesn't think there will ever be anything that brings him this same unfettered joy as seeing her smile. To his luck, the task seems a little easier to accomplish, these days. ]
Choosing to share an aphrodisiac, eh? [ There is decided humor in his tone, a light breath he doesn't bother to hold back. ] That would certainly be the very opposite of sharing laced tea by accident, I suppose.
[ It's yet another reference to a more recent past, but can he really be accused of nostalgia when they're following in the footsteps of a pair of infatuated children this very moment?
But once that first wave of amusement dies down, he sips from his wine and gives it more serious consideration. The truth is that they have had surprisingly few aphrodisiac incidents together after establishing their agreement, but one of them had been particularly shameful to him-- every bit as feral as he always seems to go, but so much angrier. Back then, they did get to have a conversation about it, and as they worked through the details of their boundaries, he remembers... ]
You told me you wouldn't mind it, once. [ His free hand reaches for her knee, thumb stroking chaste circles. ] If I lost control under an influence, that is. But would you like that?
[ There's no more need for veiled confessions between them now, is there? ]
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Perhaps, in the most technical of terms, it is difficult to divorce their chosen intimacy from the island's manipulations -- it's true that she does not think they would have ended up in this position if left to their own devices on this island -- but it is so difficult for her to think of what she has with Dimitri as simply making the best of a bad situation. As resistant as she was to it initially, she is grateful for the opportunity to get to know him again. As much as she hated being manipulated and having him (and others) speculate about the influenced vows they exchanged, not all of her feelings have been manipulated and it's a joy without discomfort that swells in her chest when they're together. It could be said that the Augur pushed them together but they have never had to stay together. There's a soft fondness in her glance as he reaches for her knee, an idle desire to be touched just because. ]
I suppose-- [ Okay, well, this question manages to heat her cheeks a bit. She pauses in her etching, the G in her name complete. ] --that the best way to be certain that I would is to experience it in a situation without angry provocation. That was my primary objection the last time I felt as though your control slipped away.
[ The hand not holding the dagger reaches for his arm, gently holding the crook of his elbow. This is a question that deserves as candid an answer as possible, she thinks. ]
But I think I would, yes. I enjoy it when you are soft and sweet and prone to idle exploration but I also like it when desire and impatience get the better of you and your grip is so needful that it bruises.
[ Knowing she can have that effect on him is a powerful headiness and she is far from fragile. ]
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And as she does go on, the joy in chest deflates just a bit, and though he knows she doesn't hold it against him, it would be neigh impossible to take the reminder in stride, not when he will carry the shame of that day -- and of his many years in a blind hatred for her -- for the rest of his life. ]
That anger is precisely what I fear. [ Though his gaze drops, her touch helps immensely, comforts and anchors him to this present in which they both forgive and are forgiven. ] I understand not every influence will be as such, and I know you are strong enough to withstand it, but the thought of hurting you in any way... it troubles me, still.
[ As long as they're being candid, then he shouldn't hold back on his honesty. Left to his own devices, he much prefers the softness of his thumb on her leg, the fondness of his forehead pressed to hers, the kisses he would so sweetly pepper all over her face if there was nothing else left to say. ]
However-- [ However, there is, and the smile he manages to summon back may be small, but genuine as ever. ] If it is something you believe you will enjoy, then I will not be opposed to experimenting with it. I can think of little that would not be worth trying for the sake of your smile.
[ Little he wouldn't do to make her happy, as much as their borrowed time together will allow for. ]
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Only once have feelings been manipulated toward anger and resentment.
[ Or perhaps it is only once that she knows of; either way she will not belittle this fear. She has no desire to harm him either. ]
If we use an aphrodisiac one day we can do our best to use something we know to have that particular effect and nothing more, but I hope I can ease your mind by saying you should not feel as though this is necessary.
When we originally negotiated our terms we felt similarly about inflicting pain on purpose. I don't believe either of our opinions on that matter have changed, although our level of trust has. We will stick to more natural urges for now and you may be certain that I will always let you know when I wish to stop something or try a different approach.
[ Although she has experienced being a bit... at his mercy, sandwiched between his body and the wall with little leverage of her own, that was an unusual incident -- one that she herself was unintentionally aroused to the point of near shamelessness for -- and she is no less confident than ever that she can take him on, both on and off a battlefield. ]
If it so happens that later tonight you had the urge to free me of my smallclothes with your teeth, I wouldn't mind.
[ These are not her favorite. ]
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It proves to be a wise decision. By the time she makes her final addition, he's huffing out another chuckle, light in breath and spirit. ]
That is a mostly safe urge to indulge in. Only my coffers will take any harm.
[ As further proof of his improved mood, he buries his face in the slope of her neck for yet another kiss, another deep intake of air that traps her scent in his nostrils. A natural source of comfort he so greedily claims without formal permission, a king turned thief. ]
And I appreciate your understanding, truly. But I do mean it when I say I am willing to try for your sake, El. You know I wish only for your happiness, and to do that, at first I thought I had to repress this beastly side of me. I may have long since accepted it, and others mostly tolerate it, but you...
[ He pulls away to seek her eyes again, and the stroke of his fingers turns into a squeeze, but a bit more forceful than a perfectly contained show of affection. Like he doesn't have to be around her. ]
You are the only one who may in fact like that side of me. Sometimes, I'm still unsure what to make of it.
[ But the thought sure does seem to cast a flustered smile upon his face. ]
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Without that particular drive what is this beastly side of him actually like? Would it be like sex in the passageway but without the pointed anger? All impulse, no attempt to rein anything in, just the pursuit of gratification?
When she thinks of it that way -- and within the contest of their relationship, her trust hard-won but freely given to him -- it intrigues. It's the antithesis of how she has lived her life since the carefree innocence of her childhood was ripped away: walls of distrust and secrecy and warranted caution, a well-maintained composure to inspire confidence in all she knew she would be doing, more importance given to what she needed to achieve than what she might personally enjoy, masks upon masks.
But Dimitri knows himself better than anyone and it is impossible to view this through a sexual lens alone.
Still, it is very sweet that he grows flustered. ]
In that case... we can try it, and that is all we need do unless we find that we both enjoy it. Agreed?
[ Her own cheeks warm. Now she has to lift her hand to the side of his face, so fond, and her thumb rests near the corner of his mouth. ]
You have not found any part of me so disagreeable that you have been unable to love me. It seems as though we are evenly matched.
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Whatever part of you which you may deem disagreeable, I am sure I could match it in kind. Should anyone think you a monster, that would make two of us.
[ There is a war upon their shoulders, and so much blood in their hands, and perhaps this specific choice of words even reminds him of a past that doesn't feel as far behind them now: the day they defended the Augur together, and she came to his rescue in a form he doesn't recognize. On the brink of death, so many of his memories had felt like a fever dream at the time, and yet Felix's confession had been real. Could this have been the case for Edelgard's transformation, too?
(If it is, that changes nothing between them-- save, perhaps, for the fact that she would be made even more perfect to him.)
But there is nothing monstrous about her feather-light touch on his face, or the way his arm snakes around her waist, body pulled that little bit closer to her-- almost temptingly so, and he just needs to indulge in another little kiss to last him for the following minutes, one more distraction standing in the way of their plans. Right now, they are more human than ever, clinging to fleeting happiness day after day, ever so vulnerable in the uncertainty of their last.
Somehow, it takes him back to their first. ]
To be evenly matched... I believe I told you something similar, when we first met on this island. Do you recall?
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I recall that on the night we first met here you used a turn of phrase I was certain you would later find particularly mortifying.
[ But even after the fact, when all influences were long gone, he presented a stubbornly unembarrassed front. ]
Surprisingly compatible.
[ She carefully enunciates each syllable. ]
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I'm afraid you were wrong, beloved. [ Dangerous words to be using with Edelgard, he knows, but the way another easy chuckle spills from him should tell her he means no serious accusation. ] I did not regret it, not one bit.
[ There was much about their relationship that did leave him mortified at one point or another, to varying degrees: their first time being intimate and the prospect of her suspecting him of purposefully offering her laced tea that he really only had meant as a thank you gift, their second time and how feral urges had driven him back to her home uninvited, the sex they had in her secret passageway just as the island wrung his old hatred out of him again. With their love solidified, most of those became reason for laughter much later on, but that one particular event as they waltzed together on an all too bright and loud dance floor? That, he would not change if he could. ]
Now, I admit that was in part wishful thinking from me. [ Moving to hold his glass with the hand encircling her waist, he is free to let his touch rise to the side of her face, stroke the line of her jaw and chin with his knuckles. ] And I may have been withholding privileged information, at the time.
[ The kiss pressed to her shoulder is almost an apology for a truth long since revealed, but just as indulgent, all the same. (Did he say his previous would be the last? Sorry, he lied.) ]
However-- [ When he pulls back up, there's just a tiny little quirk to the curve of his lips, and a subtle glint in his eyes. ] The fact remains that I was right.
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But she will complain not at all about the kiss he presses to her shoulder if he will not complain about the aggressive little tug she gives him, as though they could possibly get any closer than they are. ]
You are quite pleased with yourself, aren't you?
I say that whether you were embarrassed by your bold declaration or not you did not truly know at the time.
[ He had dated memories of her from childhood and more from their days at Garreg Mach before the war began, and those were not even technically of her, no matter how similar. Does she believe it now, though?
Well. She is surprised and if her cheeks are just a bit pink she will give him little chance to notice before she takes advantage of the opportunity to steal another kiss directly from his sly lips. ]
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Not at the time, no. [ An easy compromise, one he had already owned up to earlier. ] But I do know so, now.
[ It's no hunch, no suspicion or even wishful thinking; he knows so, with the absolute certainty of his beating pulse. His thumb brushes over warm pink then south, lingers over the corner of her lips, and almost as though in tune with her thoughts, he goes on before she can protest: ]
When I told you about my last meeting with your counterpart, I recall you said a smile would be as large a victory as you would willingly give. Yet, what I failed to tell you at the time was that, ever since our days together in Fhirdiad, that was all I ever wanted: to see you smile. And now I get to, every day, often as the very first sight to greet me in the morning.
[ When he presses his forehead to hers, his smile isn't as self-assured as before, but strong and confident all the same. ]
You would not take this victory from me, would you?
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But as he leans in to press his forehead to hers, his words so sincere, her eyes soften measurably.
She may never be able to fully wrestle her surprise over the fact that he managed to keep a piece of significant information from her for so long, neatly dashing a few of her assumptions about him, and as much as she doesn't wish to linger on a past she cannot change she can only imagine how she would have felt to arrive at Garreg Mach and know him instantly... only to be met with a complete lack of recognition. No matter how she had tried to steel herself over the years it would have been a blow to her pride to have the boy who gave her the dagger fail to remember doing so. ]
This may surprise you, Dimitri, but there are some victories I believe we can share.
[ Some. She will never lose her competitive streak. ]
My heart has known a lightness with you that it has known with no one else.
[ First as children, at a time when she felt as though she had no freedom or friends and had been taken away from her closest family. With him she was a child at play and barely a princess at all.
And now here, where her heart has felt so heavy and her life has felt too idle, so much unfinished. While their courtship has been wildly unconventional by home-grown standards she is constantly amazed by how sweet it is to wake up to him, to fall asleep with him, to memorize by touch the scars on his skin, to have him as a companion both in battle and situations much more mundane. An equal partner, burdens shared. ]
Every smile is a shared victory over ridiculous odds.
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And though his smile remains as she goes on, his easy amusement shifts into something both softer and warmer, so powerful that it feels as though his chest is not large enough to hold it in; it is joy in its purest form, the kind he, too, has only known at her side, the kind he strives to share with her day after day, with every other burden and every other sorrow they face together. He's known it for some time now -- he sees it in the gleam in her eyes when they move the furniture of their modest living space to make room for a dance, and in the fluster of her cheeks upon tasting a delicious dish they managed to perfection, and the lingering smile pressed to his chest as she drifts to sleep with his fingers in her hair -- but to hear it from her in no uncertain terms...
Well. It may make Edelgard pleased to know she has already outdone herself with the celebratory gifts. ]
In that case, we will continue to share many more, I promise. [ The briefest of pauses for the briefest of nuzzling, as though he absolutely had to give his affections a physical form lest he just combusted from them. ] On this island and beyond.
[ They will walk the same path, even should they part ways. This much, too, he knows with certainty.
Again, the prospect of departure is not one he wishes to dwell upon right now, so he trains his eyes on the present and the half carved out name in their kitchen cabinet, fingers reaching out to brush over the splintered edges. ]
I suppose this makes for an unconventional victory flag, but I could not think of one better suited for us. Thank you for this, my beloved.
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I will hold you to that promise then.
[ Or at least she will where this island is concerned but this is not the time for her usual concerns and reservations. Arguably the best present she feels she can give Dimitri today is living in the moment with him, as unfettered as possible.
And happy.
A hint of a blush returns to her cheeks as his fingers explore her half-carved name. ]
I'm glad it pleases you.
[ It's only a minor act of defiance but it pleases her as well. So much about this place is transient, including this very cabinet wall that they carve their names on. Any day now they could request a change to the apartment that makes the kitchen look entirely different but as long as they live here together she would like for their names to stay. While they are not the children they once were, they have carved a place for themselves all the same.
Her smile widens a bit, her face nuzzled indulgently into his neck in a way that defies her words. ]
And if you stop being such an effective distraction I may even finish my name.
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I would say you are the distraction, beloved. [ Is it so wrong if he indulges this one bit more, and nuzzles her right back with his cheek? Another sin he'll have to shoulder, maybe. ] Whereas you need to finish your name, I have yet to so much as start working on mine.
[ But they do have a task to complete, and other plans for the day, so he will woefully comply and pull himself away from her, though not without planting a kiss on her lips, a silent promise of more to come-- and the reinforcement of another, their impossible victories shared every day. For now, he settles for tasting red again, a pleasant warmth burning down his throat as he watches her get back to work with a memory that may reflect some of her concerns, unprompted but oddly in tune.
(And if his tongue is a little loose, well, they can chalk it up to the wine. ]
I do hope this mark will remain long after we're gone, though. I imagine the one in the manor must have vanished with it into that dream world.
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One day she will grow accustomed to it but she doesn't expect to enjoy it any less.
His kiss is brief and wine-sweet but it's enough to fortify her for now. Lifting the dagger again, she turns back to her carving with the letter A. ]
The one in the manor? [ She doesn't remember leaving a mark somewhere in his manor. ] What do you mean?
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Ah, right. [ The shortest of pauses, as though that would help him collect his thoughts. ] I never found reason to tell you about it, but when I first came upon that manor, there was a sign in the front which read "A House For Love Is Best Blessed On Every Surface." Such a message is nothing out of the ordinary, considering this island, of course.
[ There. Who would have thought that a suggestive note encouraging sex in all rooms of the house would be the easier part to explain, but time and circumstance had a way with shifting priorities.
The next portion, however, is a lot more compromising, more likely to enrage Edelgard or at least make her upset, and if he takes another sip of his wine, it's not only as a convenient excuse for delaying the inevitable. ]
Upon further inspection, there was a plaque in the entrance hallway. I removed it soon after settling in [ by brute-forcing it out of the wall and having to have it restored later on, but shh ] though I recall it said...
[ Sigh. He really should back out of it, but she'd just press him for answers, anyway. ]
Castle Blaiddyd... von Hresveg.
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Ah. "Blessed."
Well, she can see some humor in that, she supposes. Now that her mind is pointed in that direction she can think of a few surfaces she would enjoy being irreverent on.
It has nothing in particular to do with her, however, but Dimitri seems to be... measured in his response. Curious. Opting for patience, she turns her eyes back to her carving and finishes the job. ]
You mean to say that your manor had been named for both of us?
[ He did wake up to the key some time after their visit to the hot spring, didn't he? She doesn't like that the robots have never been willing to overlook the exchange of influenced vows but she is not mad about this. It is just one of many examples, and one that no longer exists outside of the simulation. ]
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She is... surprisingly calm about this, isn't she? Certainly not the reaction he would have expected, a year ago. He won't take it as a sign that she has changed her mind about the robots constantly insisting on the nature of their relationship, but it is a show of growth, nonetheless. ]
It would seem so, yes. Some time before stumbling upon the key to the manor, I recall having seen a few squares light up in my card, for acts that we completed together. And considering I did not request a trade, I imagine it was their idea of a gift to us.
[ A wedding gift, given both the timing of their vow exchange and the beginning of Dimitri's personal saga dealing with the bots and their questions about his wife. But that's something else she doesn't need to know.
Still, it's good to see she isn't upset, and this time the sip of his wine is a celebration of relief. ]
Come to think of it, that makes this apartment their second attempt at having us live together. To be frank, I much prefer this home and any signs that we write, ourselves.
[ Do his eyes trail over to the now finished name she has carved out? Absolutely. ]
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I would still argue that there was no union to celebrate as they seemed to wish. [ But he knows this. He knows she resents the manipulation. She will not linger on it now. ] But I suppose I may have spent more nights there than anyone but you.
Fortunately, as you say, not all of our decisions are made under influences. And-- [ As his eyes stray to her finished name, she smiles. ] -- we are more than capable of making our own mark.
[ Pushing herself off the lip of the sink, she trades her dagger for the glass of wine he left on the counter for her and takes a generous sip. ]
We can also still "bless" any surface we want.
[ She's just saying. ]
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Fortunately, he's in too much of a good mood to let such a (stubborn) comment bother him, so he follows the opposite direction when she slides off the sink, his own glass of wine traded for his newly gifted dagger.
Her teasing, on the other hand, does make him a little (hot and) bothered. ]
That, we surely can.
[ In fact, didn't they "bless" her old kitchen immediately before their first official dinner date started? Didn't they wind up sharing their meal in bed, and later eating each other up in lieu of dessert? For a pair of heathens, they sure were dedicated to reverence.
As he sets out to start carving the first letter of his name, another idle (horny) thought comes to mind, and rolls off his loosened tongue. ]
Incidentally, we never did use the room in the manor that was specifically designed for thorough blessings. It is a bit of a shame.
[ No, he doesn't mean the bedrooms. ]
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The room with the stash of toys and accessories?
[ One might have thought their agreement would have taken them directly there. Would things have gone differently if they had started having sex in a room that was meant for it, and arguably less personal? She can't imagine. ]
A missed opportunity but not the only opportunity. Was there anything in the room that you had hoped to try?
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To be frank, I'm not sure I understand what most of that equipment was meant for. [ This much is easy enough to admit; she must remember he had to read up on most of the acts included in his card before they first negotiated their terms, and he hasn't gone out of his way to learn more about kinks ever since. ] It may be that the dungeon environment influenced my perception of them, but I do reckon many which seemed like a type of torture device. At least the chains looked more durable...
[ Not so durable that he couldn't break free from them, but enough that it could help with the illusion of restraint. And yes, he understands that being bound must have enough appeal that it gets to be its own square, but without an influence or the position to offer real risk to Edelgard, he doesn't think he would mind relinquishing control to her on his own accord, no physical reminders needed.
Incidentally, that calls another memory forth: ]
It is true that was not the only opportunity, however. And if that room was meant to encourage the thrill of danger, I'd wager we have not needed any incentive before.
[ Is he guilty of drawing attention to (and maybe showing off with) his newly gifted dagger, flipping it over and catching it right by the handle before resuming his carving work? Yes. But he is also making a point here-- and he doesn't think Edelgard would forget about the time she used her own blade to cut a path to what she wanted to see in his trousers. ]
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There was something more... severe about the setting, though. And while that part doesn't particularly excite her there were a few accessories that were more intriguing.
His casual flip of the dagger makes her eyebrows rise and she huffs out a small breath of laughter. ]
No, we have not needed much incentive.
[ Of course she assumes he means the time she used the dagger to so helpfully free him from his clothes but he has also bitten her out of underwear as though it was nothing more than the inconvenient rind of a fruit. And what of their trolley ride? An aphrodisiac had been involved but not once did she protest that they should wait when his hand found its way beneath her skirt.
Still smiling over her wine, she watches him carve. ]
Are you suggesting that you would enjoy more dagger use?
[ There is an odd kind of romance in the idea of them both using their gifted daggers, as though it's some private ceremony only the two of them could understand. ]
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I would say daggers are fairly meaningful to us, are they not? [ His own blade rasps against the wood, just an idle scratch as he takes a break and turns to face her. ] And though perhaps not in the traditional way, we have exchanged a pair that should see more use.
[ Fortunately, the wine hasn't loosened his tongue enough that he spills the entirety of the truth concerning the traditional way in which daggers are exchanged as her Faerghan rituals, all the less so as he learned from Sylvain on this very island. If he keeps talking, perhaps she won't notice and ask. ]
Besides, there is even greater significance to them. When we first discussed the terms of our old arrangement, we agreed that we would keep any weapons locked away as a show of good faith between unlikely allies. But now...
[ He casts a side glance at the work they have been chipping away at, and his smile stretches up to his eyes. Half-finished a job as it is, already it is a reminder of how long they have come since those days of uneasy cooperation; of how much they have grown together. ]
To bring them into the bedroom with us, and use them at our most vulnerable... It signals so much more than the trust we have built over the past moons.
[ It signals the love they have for each other, unabashed and uncontested. ]
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