[ She can't help it: her eyes widen in surprise, brows rising. After all they have been though, how is it possible for him to keep taking her by surprise.
The only thing not surprising about it is the sincere sentimentality. ]
This may not be a traditional courtship but you do seem to have a few favorite traditions.
[ Making vows, specifically. This observation doesn't stop her from spreading her fingers to assist, but the unnecessary grandness of the gesture does bring a blush to her cheeks. ]
Yes, Dimitri, I will continue to share this home with you.
But perhaps there is something else we can do, if you do not think it too silly an idea. I have a vague memory of the two of us playing on large tree with a thick trunk and sprawling branches. We carved our names into it, didn't we?
[ It's a memory she once drew comfort from in a place where no comfort was offered and later it became less comforting, her mind no longer able to connect a name to his face, details whittled away, even his sunny face less clear. ]
[ Oh, he doesn't think the gesture is that grand, if perhaps unnecessary. It is meant to be an exchange, not so unlike they did with the keys to their respective secret passageways, and later with their daggers; simple, yet meaningful.
(As an exchange, he also expected to get a key in return. If he needs to hulk-smash through that door, Edelgard, that is all going to be on you!) ]
As I have told you before, some traditions are worth keeping.
[ Said as he slides the (key) ring on her (index) finger, then leans in for a customary kiss to her knuckles. That one is just for show, though; he can't help himself, nor does he think he should have to try. ]
Now, as for your suggestion. Edelgard, that is... hmmm.
[ He takes half a step back with a pensive hum, lips pressed flat and a line between his brows. He didn't even use her fond nickname, see! So serious, so displeased!
... playfully so, that is! Because he breaks into his usual smile a second later, taking both her hands in his. (Did he get her, though? Did she fall for his act, even a little bit? Come on, he has to be getting better!) ]
I would love that. I'm surprised that you remember that, actually... Perhaps we can each use our daggers to do it, this time?
[ No, it's definitely a grand gesture and her blush is ongoing. But she does understand that this is probably meant to be symbolic exchange and once he isn't so sweetly grasping her hand and kissing her knuckles she intends to return the favor on principle, if perhaps with a bit less blush-worthy ceremony.
Or at least she means to. She gets a little distracted by his performance, her hand rising to poke one fingertip at the stern line of his mouth just before he dissolves into another smile and grabs both of her hands. No, she still doesn't consider him much of an actor, but she will forever have to acknowledge that he has proven himself better than she could have imagined at keeping a secret.
Her hands tighten on his. ]
My recollection of it is only a sketchy outline. [ Wait, she hasn't finished blushing just yet. ] It would be nice to create a fresher memory.
[ Perhaps even... fun. But give her a moment to shift both of his large hands to one of her own so she can pull her own key out and press it fondly into his palms. ]
[ His hands only part from hers for a moment, and only so he can take her key and put it safely away in his pocket. As soon as the task is done, he claims them again so to return her fond squeeze in kind, gentle despite his strength. A testament to how comfortable it feels with her, perhaps, that he's no longer so nervous as to be clumsy with dispensing his affections. ]
Then we shall, beloved. [ Because no touch is ever enough and because he doesn't need to hold back, he leans in to press their foreheads together. ] A new memory for every one that has been taken from you.
[ And if there is such a thing as birthday wishes, then he hopes these are memories they both will carry with them long after they have been returned to their worlds. Long after they have left behind the only home that can ever be theirs.
He closes his eyes tight in an all too long blink, then pulls himself straight up again. Right here and now, her hands are still in his, and he will not allow such melancholy thoughts sour this moment. ]
So, where should we carve out our names, this time? One of the cupboards, perhaps?
[ Ah, a grand declaration to match his earlier grand gesture. The warmth in her cheeks doesn't die down just yet. Not when he dips down to touch his forehead to hers and she has no doubt that he would grant her as many happy new memories as he can help to create. Her eyelids half-shut, her too-near focus on his lips and chin, and can he blame her if she rises on her toes to brush a little kiss right there, in the dip beneath his lower lip?
Every happiness she finds here is tempered by something, usually either her discontent at being trapped here or the twin discontent of knowing that finally getting her freedom will mean saying goodbye to the Dimitri she has gotten to know so intimately over her time here. Despite that, what she feels now is a kind of happiness she has never really imagined before. She is not so naive as to believe that love conquers all -- if that were true, much about her life and Fódlan as a whole would be different -- but she does feel as though as though her present is made much better for his company, for his affection, for his ever-present sincerity.
When he straightens, she lowers to the flats of her feet again. ]
What do you think of this?
[ Still in his, one hand points to the bare side of an end cabinet above the kitchen counter. She'd have to sit on the lip of the sink to carve her name there but it's a choice, if not exactly inconspicuous, location. Besides, there is a real possibility that Dimitri carving his name into a door of any kind would lead to that door being broken off its hinges in the process. ]
[ Hey! He may be clumsy, but weapons, he can wield! Coming this far on his relationship with Edelgard is a testament to his skill, really.
That aside, his eyes trail after her chosen spot -- and how sweet it is, that their hands are still intertwined even as she motions -- and a smile graces his lips to show his approval. As far as options go, this is certainly one of the least conspicuous, but isn't that exactly the point? To leave an indelible mark and prove to future occupants and the world at large that, despite their differences and captivity and every hardship they have faced on this island, they could still find love and some measure of happiness in this home they have built?
It is, at least, as he remembers the promise of their childhood. That even though Edelgard had little choice with regards to her fate back then, she still enjoyed the time she spent with him. ]
A fine spot, I believe.
[ And before he can inadvertently offend or set her off by asking if she could reach that high, he does as he does best and lets go of her hands at last, but only so he can hook his arms around her back and under her knees, then lift her in a princess carry. Another tradition worth keeping, he reckons. ]
Shall we get started?
[ He realizes a second too late he isn't sure Edelgard has her own dagger on her person at present, but picking her up always comes with a tacit offer: the royal carriage will take her anywhere she needs be. ]
[ She has full confidence in his ability to wield a weapon. She has less confidence in his ability to keep a door properly in place while wielding a weapon at it.
But she tries to smother her small sound of amused surprise when he picks her up again. He may seem to enjoy picking her up and gathering her close but she isn't sure when it will stop surprising her. ]
My dagger is in my boot.
[ Near. Ready. But not on her when the most pressing plans for the afternoon seemed to be lounging with cats and making sure Dimitri got his birthday present. It's a far cry from her first months here. ]
We'll have to fetch it.
[ And then he can set her up properly at the sink. In the meantime she indulges in wrapping her arms around his neck, chin tipping up with a hint of expectancy until her nose nudges his chin. As long as he insists on picking her up, shouldn't he make the most of it and kiss her? ]
[ Oh, don't think for a second that he doesn't catch that hint of expectancy there-- and, really, he had planned on kissing her all along. It's just that some things come first, like the smile on his face when she embraces his silly antics -- and, well, himself -- in full with her hands behind his neck.
(He remembers he once told her it isn't always easy to live in the moment; like this, it is.) ]
We have our destination, then.
[ Now he can press his lips to hers, brief but not any less fond for it, and then set off to fetch the dagger. He recalls seeing Edelgard's boots by the entrance door, a memory confirmed with a quick inspection of the room and a journey that's only marginally longer for how small their living room is.
And if she thought he was done with the silly antics? Well, better think again! Because instead of cradling her in a single arm -- which would be easy enough for him -- he dips her like it's an impromptu dance, just low enough that she can let go of him and reach for her boots and dagger. ]
If you please.
[ If she pleases, perhaps they should have a proper dance later, too. The perfect way to end their celebration, he reckons. ]
[ He's a shameless romantic, from his fond smile to the indulgent kiss to the way he dips her low enough to reach for the boot in question.
At some other private time she might give his antics a good-natured roll of her eyes, but what kind of beloved is she if she can't indulge him on his birthday as certainly as he indulges her. It's only the two of them, no one else to answer to. ]
How kind of you.
[ It takes no time at all to free the dagger, sweeping it out of her boot. She raises it with care, pointing it away from him. ]
[ If she will so kindly indulge him, then perhaps she won't complain about a second kiss? Just a quick one this time-- he will still dutifully fulfill her whims, of course! ]
Full throttle, is it?
[ Or, about as full as he can; he's carrying precious cargo, and they share an apartment with two cats, their stealthy murderous running and far too many toys, after all. Still, the best she can expect is some jostling, and while he does pick up his pace, he's careful not to engage in any tripping accidents-- a skill he has honed ever since adopting Hugo, naturally.
Once they make it to their destination, he does as instructed and places her atop the sink, as far back as he can so to ensure she won't slip and fall. There, safe and sound! ]
[ A pair of golden eyes peers curiously at them from the couch, Shadow bracing himself on its arm as though he has his doubts about whatever they're up to and may possibly dive in if things go awry.
Edelgard, on the other hand, feels her lips twitch with amusement as she is put into position. ]
Your efforts are appreciated. [ As it turns out, the royal carriage is always good for a ride. ] I will honored to go first.
[ She takes a moment to size up the side of the cabinet, choosing her placement. Most of the carving she has done with this dagger has been metaphorical but she is determined to do this neatly, a tiny crease of concentration appearing between her eyebrows as she starts on the "E." ]
Would you like to find the wine in the meantime? I promise to be careful.
[ He casts her a last side glance of minimal protest -- not because he thinks her so careless she'll fall off her perch, but because he's never too happy to part from her -- but eventually complies, with maybe just one little kiss on her shoulder to help carry him through this arduous task. ]
Of course. Two glasses of red, I presume?
[ Because Dimitri may prefer something stronger himself, but he knows Edelgard to favor sweet red wine above all others, a small whim he can easily indulge her on.
So step back he does, and thankfully his search in the cabinets bears quick fruit in the shape of a tall bottle. Next, he procures a pair of glasses, pops the cap open with all too much ease -- and no accidents, even! -- then pours in the contents until both glasses have been filled halfway, just enough for an appetizer before dinner. And that exact line of thinking drives his thoughts elsewhere. ]
Here you go. [ The light clink of glass on marble announces her drink has been set on the countertop, his own in hand. ] I hope these have not been laced, or else you may never accept another drink from me.
[ It's an old, old reference by now, any past hints of embarrassment fading into the warm amusement of his breath. The wish is genuine, though; he knows they can make the best of any aphrodisiac incidents at this point, of course, but he always prefers to keep it real. ]
[ Once she confirms that his assumption sounds perfect, she braces on hand on the side of the cabinet and readies the dagger in the other... but she lets her eyes linger on him for just a moment longer. They have been living side-by-side for a few moons now and it's certainly been a change of pace from the way she lived at the inn. A bit closer to the first year, when had no kitchen in her private quarters, but without as many as walls -- of any kind -- between her and the people she shares space with.
It's difficult for her to imagine what she would be like if her past had played out differently but for a long time she has been so private, so many people let in by small increments. What they have here, lives so closely shared, is something she never imagined. Not with anyone - it was simply beyond her scope. It has taken some adjusting, of course, and this is a life she can't see herself ever leading at home -- too intimate, too casual in its intimacy, too entangled with someone completely unavailable to her anywhere but here -- but she sees such value in it. Her heart has been lighter in the past few weeks than it has in years, their burdens shared and their bodies drawn together like magnets.
She doesn't do much to suppress her smile as she turns her attention to her task, letters etched as neatly as possible into the wood. ]
Thank you.
[ Smile widening, she glances in his direction again. ]
If the wine is an aphrodisiac it will be our most convenient experience with it yet.
[ A quick pause, then she thoughtfully adds: ]
In fact, I suppose there would be nothing wrong with us choosing to share one on purpose sometime. [ No manipulated feelings, no coercion. Simply the two of them choosing to amplify their desire for each other. ] On our own terms for once.
[ Not so unlike Edelgard, Dimitri also can't help stealing another long glance at her, always so dedicated to her cause whatever it may be -- even something as inconsequential as indulging in whimsy. It's straightforward in its simplicity, and perhaps even childish as it brings forth a memory from their shared past, yet it puts such a smile on her face that he knows he would never have it in him to deny her the chance, even if he had wanted to-- though the mirrored curve of his lips is good indication he didn't.
So much has changed since the days they paraded hand-in-hand in the streets of Fhirdiad, but he doesn't think there will ever be anything that brings him this same unfettered joy as seeing her smile. To his luck, the task seems a little easier to accomplish, these days. ]
Choosing to share an aphrodisiac, eh? [ There is decided humor in his tone, a light breath he doesn't bother to hold back. ] That would certainly be the very opposite of sharing laced tea by accident, I suppose.
[ It's yet another reference to a more recent past, but can he really be accused of nostalgia when they're following in the footsteps of a pair of infatuated children this very moment?
But once that first wave of amusement dies down, he sips from his wine and gives it more serious consideration. The truth is that they have had surprisingly few aphrodisiac incidents together after establishing their agreement, but one of them had been particularly shameful to him-- every bit as feral as he always seems to go, but so much angrier. Back then, they did get to have a conversation about it, and as they worked through the details of their boundaries, he remembers... ]
You told me you wouldn't mind it, once. [ His free hand reaches for her knee, thumb stroking chaste circles. ] If I lost control under an influence, that is. But would you like that?
[ There's no more need for veiled confessions between them now, is there? ]
[ At least she is at a point where the mention of their aphrodisiac tea experience no longer brings a blush to her cheeks. By now they have been intimate by choice much more consistently than they were by manipulation.
Perhaps, in the most technical of terms, it is difficult to divorce their chosen intimacy from the island's manipulations -- it's true that she does not think they would have ended up in this position if left to their own devices on this island -- but it is so difficult for her to think of what she has with Dimitri as simply making the best of a bad situation. As resistant as she was to it initially, she is grateful for the opportunity to get to know him again. As much as she hated being manipulated and having him (and others) speculate about the influenced vows they exchanged, not all of her feelings have been manipulated and it's a joy without discomfort that swells in her chest when they're together. It could be said that the Augur pushed them together but they have never had to stay together. There's a soft fondness in her glance as he reaches for her knee, an idle desire to be touched just because. ]
I suppose-- [ Okay, well, this question manages to heat her cheeks a bit. She pauses in her etching, the G in her name complete. ] --that the best way to be certain that I would is to experience it in a situation without angry provocation. That was my primary objection the last time I felt as though your control slipped away.
[ The hand not holding the dagger reaches for his arm, gently holding the crook of his elbow. This is a question that deserves as candid an answer as possible, she thinks. ]
But I think I would, yes. I enjoy it when you are soft and sweet and prone to idle exploration but I also like it when desire and impatience get the better of you and your grip is so needful that it bruises.
[ Knowing she can have that effect on him is a powerful headiness and she is far from fragile. ]
[ It takes inhuman effort to rein in the urge to kiss her the minute he spots the fluster on her cheeks, that hint of self-consciousness that defies the intimacy of their time together and that so reminds him of more innocent days, the girl in twin tails every bit as adorable as the woman neatly sat upon a sink before him. Still, this is an important conversation, not to be interrupted on a whim.
And as she does go on, the joy in chest deflates just a bit, and though he knows she doesn't hold it against him, it would be neigh impossible to take the reminder in stride, not when he will carry the shame of that day -- and of his many years in a blind hatred for her -- for the rest of his life. ]
That anger is precisely what I fear. [ Though his gaze drops, her touch helps immensely, comforts and anchors him to this present in which they both forgive and are forgiven. ] I understand not every influence will be as such, and I know you are strong enough to withstand it, but the thought of hurting you in any way... it troubles me, still.
[ As long as they're being candid, then he shouldn't hold back on his honesty. Left to his own devices, he much prefers the softness of his thumb on her leg, the fondness of his forehead pressed to hers, the kisses he would so sweetly pepper all over her face if there was nothing else left to say. ]
However-- [ However, there is, and the smile he manages to summon back may be small, but genuine as ever. ] If it is something you believe you will enjoy, then I will not be opposed to experimenting with it. I can think of little that would not be worth trying for the sake of your smile.
[ Little he wouldn't do to make her happy, as much as their borrowed time together will allow for. ]
[ The brief dip in his mood, almost as if mildly chastised, is difficult to miss. She understands it as well as she can, aware of the shame he feels, and her hand lowers to his forearm, giving it a small squeeze. ]
Only once have feelings been manipulated toward anger and resentment.
[ Or perhaps it is only once that she knows of; either way she will not belittle this fear. She has no desire to harm him either. ]
If we use an aphrodisiac one day we can do our best to use something we know to have that particular effect and nothing more, but I hope I can ease your mind by saying you should not feel as though this is necessary.
When we originally negotiated our terms we felt similarly about inflicting pain on purpose. I don't believe either of our opinions on that matter have changed, although our level of trust has. We will stick to more natural urges for now and you may be certain that I will always let you know when I wish to stop something or try a different approach.
[ Although she has experienced being a bit... at his mercy, sandwiched between his body and the wall with little leverage of her own, that was an unusual incident -- one that she herself was unintentionally aroused to the point of near shamelessness for -- and she is no less confident than ever that she can take him on, both on and off a battlefield. ]
If it so happens that later tonight you had the urge to free me of my smallclothes with your teeth, I wouldn't mind.
[ Only once have feelings been manipulated, she says, and his instinct is to immediately retort that once is more than enough for someone who struggled with real anger and resentment towards her for so long. But he reins it in, and decides to let her finish her train of thought as he gathers his own, unencumbered by guilt.
It proves to be a wise decision. By the time she makes her final addition, he's huffing out another chuckle, light in breath and spirit. ]
That is a mostly safe urge to indulge in. Only my coffers will take any harm.
[ As further proof of his improved mood, he buries his face in the slope of her neck for yet another kiss, another deep intake of air that traps her scent in his nostrils. A natural source of comfort he so greedily claims without formal permission, a king turned thief. ]
And I appreciate your understanding, truly. But I do mean it when I say I am willing to try for your sake, El. You know I wish only for your happiness, and to do that, at first I thought I had to repress this beastly side of me. I may have long since accepted it, and others mostly tolerate it, but you...
[ He pulls away to seek her eyes again, and the stroke of his fingers turns into a squeeze, but a bit more forceful than a perfectly contained show of affection. Like he doesn't have to be around her. ]
You are the only one who may in fact like that side of me. Sometimes, I'm still unsure what to make of it.
[ But the thought sure does seem to cast a flustered smile upon his face. ]
[ The truth is that she isn't entirely certain she fully understands the side of him he refers to as beastly. She has so little personal experience with it. The rumors of the Tempest King that built over the years prior to her arrival here painted him as relentless, bloodthirsty, a force of nature. Two of those things make sense to her but there has been nothing bloodthirsty about this Dimitri in the time she has known him. This is a man who has been far more focused on salvaging what he could of his friendship with her than vengeance.
Without that particular drive what is this beastly side of him actually like? Would it be like sex in the passageway but without the pointed anger? All impulse, no attempt to rein anything in, just the pursuit of gratification?
When she thinks of it that way -- and within the contest of their relationship, her trust hard-won but freely given to him -- it intrigues. It's the antithesis of how she has lived her life since the carefree innocence of her childhood was ripped away: walls of distrust and secrecy and warranted caution, a well-maintained composure to inspire confidence in all she knew she would be doing, more importance given to what she needed to achieve than what she might personally enjoy, masks upon masks.
But Dimitri knows himself better than anyone and it is impossible to view this through a sexual lens alone.
Still, it is very sweet that he grows flustered. ]
In that case... we can try it, and that is all we need do unless we find that we both enjoy it. Agreed?
[ Her own cheeks warm. Now she has to lift her hand to the side of his face, so fond, and her thumb rests near the corner of his mouth. ]
You have not found any part of me so disagreeable that you have been unable to love me. It seems as though we are evenly matched.
[ He nods his assent easily, and that conveniently placed thumb earns a quick kiss from him as an afterthought, like the casual press of his lips to her has grown into instinct by now. It almost makes him wonder if she's come to expect it. ]
Whatever part of you which you may deem disagreeable, I am sure I could match it in kind. Should anyone think you a monster, that would make two of us.
[ There is a war upon their shoulders, and so much blood in their hands, and perhaps this specific choice of words even reminds him of a past that doesn't feel as far behind them now: the day they defended the Augur together, and she came to his rescue in a form he doesn't recognize. On the brink of death, so many of his memories had felt like a fever dream at the time, and yet Felix's confession had been real. Could this have been the case for Edelgard's transformation, too?
(If it is, that changes nothing between them-- save, perhaps, for the fact that she would be made even more perfect to him.)
But there is nothing monstrous about her feather-light touch on his face, or the way his arm snakes around her waist, body pulled that little bit closer to her-- almost temptingly so, and he just needs to indulge in another little kiss to last him for the following minutes, one more distraction standing in the way of their plans. Right now, they are more human than ever, clinging to fleeting happiness day after day, ever so vulnerable in the uncertainty of their last.
Somehow, it takes him back to their first. ]
To be evenly matched... I believe I told you something similar, when we first met on this island. Do you recall?
[ Perhaps one would not expecting sitting on the lip of a sink with a dagger in one hand to feel so romantic yet it does to her in this moment as Dimitri dips his chin to steal another kiss, as though it's a basic need like food or water. She has spent so long with most people at arm's length, even spent several years after her release from the palace dungeon not wanting to be touched by anyone, and now she enjoys his nearness more than she could ever have imagined. At times she craves it, and for now she has the luxury of feeding that craving every time she feels it. Tipping her chin up to meet his kiss, the dagger held carefully away from him, is a sweet indulgence. ]
I recall that on the night we first met here you used a turn of phrase I was certain you would later find particularly mortifying.
[ But even after the fact, when all influences were long gone, he presented a stubbornly unembarrassed front. ]
I'm afraid you were wrong, beloved. [ Dangerous words to be using with Edelgard, he knows, but the way another easy chuckle spills from him should tell her he means no serious accusation. ] I did not regret it, not one bit.
[ There was much about their relationship that did leave him mortified at one point or another, to varying degrees: their first time being intimate and the prospect of her suspecting him of purposefully offering her laced tea that he really only had meant as a thank you gift, their second time and how feral urges had driven him back to her home uninvited, the sex they had in her secret passageway just as the island wrung his old hatred out of him again. With their love solidified, most of those became reason for laughter much later on, but that one particular event as they waltzed together on an all too bright and loud dance floor? That, he would not change if he could. ]
Now, I admit that was in part wishful thinking from me. [ Moving to hold his glass with the hand encircling her waist, he is free to let his touch rise to the side of her face, stroke the line of her jaw and chin with his knuckles. ] And I may have been withholding privileged information, at the time.
[ The kiss pressed to her shoulder is almost an apology for a truth long since revealed, but just as indulgent, all the same. (Did he say his previous would be the last? Sorry, he lied.) ]
However-- [ When he pulls back up, there's just a tiny little quirk to the curve of his lips, and a subtle glint in his eyes. ] The fact remains that I was right.
[ Privileged information indeed. That subtle smirk of his is both endearing and maddening.
But she will complain not at all about the kiss he presses to her shoulder if he will not complain about the aggressive little tug she gives him, as though they could possibly get any closer than they are. ]
You are quite pleased with yourself, aren't you?
I say that whether you were embarrassed by your bold declaration or not you did not truly know at the time.
[ He had dated memories of her from childhood and more from their days at Garreg Mach before the war began, and those were not even technically of her, no matter how similar. Does she believe it now, though?
Well. She is surprised and if her cheeks are just a bit pink she will give him little chance to notice before she takes advantage of the opportunity to steal another kiss directly from his sly lips. ]
[ Why would he ever complain about it when he can be pulled into her grip without protest, a breath of laughter just before their lips reunite yet again-- and then the threat of a bite as they part, a playful show of ferocity that isn't entirely for show. Why complain when he has so many reasons to be pleased, to be happy with their relationship more so than with himself? All past transgressions aside, even he could not be this much of a fool. ]
Not at the time, no. [ An easy compromise, one he had already owned up to earlier. ] But I do know so, now.
[ It's no hunch, no suspicion or even wishful thinking; he knows so, with the absolute certainty of his beating pulse. His thumb brushes over warm pink then south, lingers over the corner of her lips, and almost as though in tune with her thoughts, he goes on before she can protest: ]
When I told you about my last meeting with your counterpart, I recall you said a smile would be as large a victory as you would willingly give. Yet, what I failed to tell you at the time was that, ever since our days together in Fhirdiad, that was all I ever wanted: to see you smile. And now I get to, every day, often as the very first sight to greet me in the morning.
[ When he presses his forehead to hers, his smile isn't as self-assured as before, but strong and confident all the same. ]
You would not take this victory from me, would you?
[ Her eyes sharpen with sly playfulness when he threatens to nip. He truly is the largest of three felines in this apartment, and no less likely to purr under her touch than Shadow.
But as he leans in to press his forehead to hers, his words so sincere, her eyes soften measurably.
She may never be able to fully wrestle her surprise over the fact that he managed to keep a piece of significant information from her for so long, neatly dashing a few of her assumptions about him, and as much as she doesn't wish to linger on a past she cannot change she can only imagine how she would have felt to arrive at Garreg Mach and know him instantly... only to be met with a complete lack of recognition. No matter how she had tried to steel herself over the years it would have been a blow to her pride to have the boy who gave her the dagger fail to remember doing so. ]
This may surprise you, Dimitri, but there are some victories I believe we can share.
[ Some. She will never lose her competitive streak. ]
My heart has known a lightness with you that it has known with no one else.
[ First as children, at a time when she felt as though she had no freedom or friends and had been taken away from her closest family. With him she was a child at play and barely a princess at all.
And now here, where her heart has felt so heavy and her life has felt too idle, so much unfinished. While their courtship has been wildly unconventional by home-grown standards she is constantly amazed by how sweet it is to wake up to him, to fall asleep with him, to memorize by touch the scars on his skin, to have him as a companion both in battle and situations much more mundane. An equal partner, burdens shared. ]
Every smile is a shared victory over ridiculous odds.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
The only thing not surprising about it is the sincere sentimentality. ]
This may not be a traditional courtship but you do seem to have a few favorite traditions.
[ Making vows, specifically. This observation doesn't stop her from spreading her fingers to assist, but the unnecessary grandness of the gesture does bring a blush to her cheeks. ]
Yes, Dimitri, I will continue to share this home with you.
But perhaps there is something else we can do, if you do not think it too silly an idea. I have a vague memory of the two of us playing on large tree with a thick trunk and sprawling branches. We carved our names into it, didn't we?
[ It's a memory she once drew comfort from in a place where no comfort was offered and later it became less comforting, her mind no longer able to connect a name to his face, details whittled away, even his sunny face less clear. ]
We could do that here.
[ Just a little consensual property damage. ]
no subject
(As an exchange, he also expected to get a key in return. If he needs to hulk-smash through that door, Edelgard, that is all going to be on you!) ]
As I have told you before, some traditions are worth keeping.
[ Said as he slides the (key) ring on her (index) finger, then leans in for a customary kiss to her knuckles. That one is just for show, though; he can't help himself, nor does he think he should have to try. ]
Now, as for your suggestion. Edelgard, that is... hmmm.
[ He takes half a step back with a pensive hum, lips pressed flat and a line between his brows. He didn't even use her fond nickname, see! So serious, so displeased!
... playfully so, that is! Because he breaks into his usual smile a second later, taking both her hands in his. (Did he get her, though? Did she fall for his act, even a little bit? Come on, he has to be getting better!) ]
I would love that. I'm surprised that you remember that, actually... Perhaps we can each use our daggers to do it, this time?
no subject
Or at least she means to. She gets a little distracted by his performance, her hand rising to poke one fingertip at the stern line of his mouth just before he dissolves into another smile and grabs both of her hands. No, she still doesn't consider him much of an actor, but she will forever have to acknowledge that he has proven himself better than she could have imagined at keeping a secret.
Her hands tighten on his. ]
My recollection of it is only a sketchy outline. [ Wait, she hasn't finished blushing just yet. ] It would be nice to create a fresher memory.
[ Perhaps even... fun. But give her a moment to shift both of his large hands to one of her own so she can pull her own key out and press it fondly into his palms. ]
I think it's only fitting to use our daggers.
no subject
Then we shall, beloved. [ Because no touch is ever enough and because he doesn't need to hold back, he leans in to press their foreheads together. ] A new memory for every one that has been taken from you.
[ And if there is such a thing as birthday wishes, then he hopes these are memories they both will carry with them long after they have been returned to their worlds. Long after they have left behind the only home that can ever be theirs.
He closes his eyes tight in an all too long blink, then pulls himself straight up again. Right here and now, her hands are still in his, and he will not allow such melancholy thoughts sour this moment. ]
So, where should we carve out our names, this time? One of the cupboards, perhaps?
no subject
Every happiness she finds here is tempered by something, usually either her discontent at being trapped here or the twin discontent of knowing that finally getting her freedom will mean saying goodbye to the Dimitri she has gotten to know so intimately over her time here. Despite that, what she feels now is a kind of happiness she has never really imagined before. She is not so naive as to believe that love conquers all -- if that were true, much about her life and Fódlan as a whole would be different -- but she does feel as though as though her present is made much better for his company, for his affection, for his ever-present sincerity.
When he straightens, she lowers to the flats of her feet again. ]
What do you think of this?
[ Still in his, one hand points to the bare side of an end cabinet above the kitchen counter. She'd have to sit on the lip of the sink to carve her name there but it's a choice, if not exactly inconspicuous, location. Besides, there is a real possibility that Dimitri carving his name into a door of any kind would lead to that door being broken off its hinges in the process. ]
no subject
That aside, his eyes trail after her chosen spot -- and how sweet it is, that their hands are still intertwined even as she motions -- and a smile graces his lips to show his approval. As far as options go, this is certainly one of the least conspicuous, but isn't that exactly the point? To leave an indelible mark and prove to future occupants and the world at large that, despite their differences and captivity and every hardship they have faced on this island, they could still find love and some measure of happiness in this home they have built?
It is, at least, as he remembers the promise of their childhood. That even though Edelgard had little choice with regards to her fate back then, she still enjoyed the time she spent with him. ]
A fine spot, I believe.
[ And before he can inadvertently offend or set her off by asking if she could reach that high, he does as he does best and lets go of her hands at last, but only so he can hook his arms around her back and under her knees, then lift her in a princess carry. Another tradition worth keeping, he reckons. ]
Shall we get started?
[ He realizes a second too late he isn't sure Edelgard has her own dagger on her person at present, but picking her up always comes with a tacit offer: the royal carriage will take her anywhere she needs be. ]
no subject
But she tries to smother her small sound of amused surprise when he picks her up again. He may seem to enjoy picking her up and gathering her close but she isn't sure when it will stop surprising her. ]
My dagger is in my boot.
[ Near. Ready. But not on her when the most pressing plans for the afternoon seemed to be lounging with cats and making sure Dimitri got his birthday present. It's a far cry from her first months here. ]
We'll have to fetch it.
[ And then he can set her up properly at the sink. In the meantime she indulges in wrapping her arms around his neck, chin tipping up with a hint of expectancy until her nose nudges his chin. As long as he insists on picking her up, shouldn't he make the most of it and kiss her? ]
no subject
(He remembers he once told her it isn't always easy to live in the moment; like this, it is.) ]
We have our destination, then.
[ Now he can press his lips to hers, brief but not any less fond for it, and then set off to fetch the dagger. He recalls seeing Edelgard's boots by the entrance door, a memory confirmed with a quick inspection of the room and a journey that's only marginally longer for how small their living room is.
And if she thought he was done with the silly antics? Well, better think again! Because instead of cradling her in a single arm -- which would be easy enough for him -- he dips her like it's an impromptu dance, just low enough that she can let go of him and reach for her boots and dagger. ]
If you please.
[ If she pleases, perhaps they should have a proper dance later, too. The perfect way to end their celebration, he reckons. ]
no subject
At some other private time she might give his antics a good-natured roll of her eyes, but what kind of beloved is she if she can't indulge him on his birthday as certainly as he indulges her. It's only the two of them, no one else to answer to. ]
How kind of you.
[ It takes no time at all to free the dagger, sweeping it out of her boot. She raises it with care, pointing it away from him. ]
Now to the sink, and quickly.
no subject
Full throttle, is it?
[ Or, about as full as he can; he's carrying precious cargo, and they share an apartment with two cats, their stealthy murderous running and far too many toys, after all. Still, the best she can expect is some jostling, and while he does pick up his pace, he's careful not to engage in any tripping accidents-- a skill he has honed ever since adopting Hugo, naturally.
Once they make it to their destination, he does as instructed and places her atop the sink, as far back as he can so to ensure she won't slip and fall. There, safe and sound! ]
Would you like to go first?
no subject
Edelgard, on the other hand, feels her lips twitch with amusement as she is put into position. ]
Your efforts are appreciated. [ As it turns out, the royal carriage is always good for a ride. ] I will honored to go first.
[ She takes a moment to size up the side of the cabinet, choosing her placement. Most of the carving she has done with this dagger has been metaphorical but she is determined to do this neatly, a tiny crease of concentration appearing between her eyebrows as she starts on the "E." ]
Would you like to find the wine in the meantime? I promise to be careful.
no subject
Of course. Two glasses of red, I presume?
[ Because Dimitri may prefer something stronger himself, but he knows Edelgard to favor sweet red wine above all others, a small whim he can easily indulge her on.
So step back he does, and thankfully his search in the cabinets bears quick fruit in the shape of a tall bottle. Next, he procures a pair of glasses, pops the cap open with all too much ease -- and no accidents, even! -- then pours in the contents until both glasses have been filled halfway, just enough for an appetizer before dinner. And that exact line of thinking drives his thoughts elsewhere. ]
Here you go. [ The light clink of glass on marble announces her drink has been set on the countertop, his own in hand. ] I hope these have not been laced, or else you may never accept another drink from me.
[ It's an old, old reference by now, any past hints of embarrassment fading into the warm amusement of his breath. The wish is genuine, though; he knows they can make the best of any aphrodisiac incidents at this point, of course, but he always prefers to keep it real. ]
no subject
It's difficult for her to imagine what she would be like if her past had played out differently but for a long time she has been so private, so many people let in by small increments. What they have here, lives so closely shared, is something she never imagined. Not with anyone - it was simply beyond her scope. It has taken some adjusting, of course, and this is a life she can't see herself ever leading at home -- too intimate, too casual in its intimacy, too entangled with someone completely unavailable to her anywhere but here -- but she sees such value in it. Her heart has been lighter in the past few weeks than it has in years, their burdens shared and their bodies drawn together like magnets.
She doesn't do much to suppress her smile as she turns her attention to her task, letters etched as neatly as possible into the wood. ]
Thank you.
[ Smile widening, she glances in his direction again. ]
If the wine is an aphrodisiac it will be our most convenient experience with it yet.
[ A quick pause, then she thoughtfully adds: ]
In fact, I suppose there would be nothing wrong with us choosing to share one on purpose sometime. [ No manipulated feelings, no coercion. Simply the two of them choosing to amplify their desire for each other. ] On our own terms for once.
no subject
So much has changed since the days they paraded hand-in-hand in the streets of Fhirdiad, but he doesn't think there will ever be anything that brings him this same unfettered joy as seeing her smile. To his luck, the task seems a little easier to accomplish, these days. ]
Choosing to share an aphrodisiac, eh? [ There is decided humor in his tone, a light breath he doesn't bother to hold back. ] That would certainly be the very opposite of sharing laced tea by accident, I suppose.
[ It's yet another reference to a more recent past, but can he really be accused of nostalgia when they're following in the footsteps of a pair of infatuated children this very moment?
But once that first wave of amusement dies down, he sips from his wine and gives it more serious consideration. The truth is that they have had surprisingly few aphrodisiac incidents together after establishing their agreement, but one of them had been particularly shameful to him-- every bit as feral as he always seems to go, but so much angrier. Back then, they did get to have a conversation about it, and as they worked through the details of their boundaries, he remembers... ]
You told me you wouldn't mind it, once. [ His free hand reaches for her knee, thumb stroking chaste circles. ] If I lost control under an influence, that is. But would you like that?
[ There's no more need for veiled confessions between them now, is there? ]
no subject
Perhaps, in the most technical of terms, it is difficult to divorce their chosen intimacy from the island's manipulations -- it's true that she does not think they would have ended up in this position if left to their own devices on this island -- but it is so difficult for her to think of what she has with Dimitri as simply making the best of a bad situation. As resistant as she was to it initially, she is grateful for the opportunity to get to know him again. As much as she hated being manipulated and having him (and others) speculate about the influenced vows they exchanged, not all of her feelings have been manipulated and it's a joy without discomfort that swells in her chest when they're together. It could be said that the Augur pushed them together but they have never had to stay together. There's a soft fondness in her glance as he reaches for her knee, an idle desire to be touched just because. ]
I suppose-- [ Okay, well, this question manages to heat her cheeks a bit. She pauses in her etching, the G in her name complete. ] --that the best way to be certain that I would is to experience it in a situation without angry provocation. That was my primary objection the last time I felt as though your control slipped away.
[ The hand not holding the dagger reaches for his arm, gently holding the crook of his elbow. This is a question that deserves as candid an answer as possible, she thinks. ]
But I think I would, yes. I enjoy it when you are soft and sweet and prone to idle exploration but I also like it when desire and impatience get the better of you and your grip is so needful that it bruises.
[ Knowing she can have that effect on him is a powerful headiness and she is far from fragile. ]
no subject
And as she does go on, the joy in chest deflates just a bit, and though he knows she doesn't hold it against him, it would be neigh impossible to take the reminder in stride, not when he will carry the shame of that day -- and of his many years in a blind hatred for her -- for the rest of his life. ]
That anger is precisely what I fear. [ Though his gaze drops, her touch helps immensely, comforts and anchors him to this present in which they both forgive and are forgiven. ] I understand not every influence will be as such, and I know you are strong enough to withstand it, but the thought of hurting you in any way... it troubles me, still.
[ As long as they're being candid, then he shouldn't hold back on his honesty. Left to his own devices, he much prefers the softness of his thumb on her leg, the fondness of his forehead pressed to hers, the kisses he would so sweetly pepper all over her face if there was nothing else left to say. ]
However-- [ However, there is, and the smile he manages to summon back may be small, but genuine as ever. ] If it is something you believe you will enjoy, then I will not be opposed to experimenting with it. I can think of little that would not be worth trying for the sake of your smile.
[ Little he wouldn't do to make her happy, as much as their borrowed time together will allow for. ]
no subject
Only once have feelings been manipulated toward anger and resentment.
[ Or perhaps it is only once that she knows of; either way she will not belittle this fear. She has no desire to harm him either. ]
If we use an aphrodisiac one day we can do our best to use something we know to have that particular effect and nothing more, but I hope I can ease your mind by saying you should not feel as though this is necessary.
When we originally negotiated our terms we felt similarly about inflicting pain on purpose. I don't believe either of our opinions on that matter have changed, although our level of trust has. We will stick to more natural urges for now and you may be certain that I will always let you know when I wish to stop something or try a different approach.
[ Although she has experienced being a bit... at his mercy, sandwiched between his body and the wall with little leverage of her own, that was an unusual incident -- one that she herself was unintentionally aroused to the point of near shamelessness for -- and she is no less confident than ever that she can take him on, both on and off a battlefield. ]
If it so happens that later tonight you had the urge to free me of my smallclothes with your teeth, I wouldn't mind.
[ These are not her favorite. ]
no subject
It proves to be a wise decision. By the time she makes her final addition, he's huffing out another chuckle, light in breath and spirit. ]
That is a mostly safe urge to indulge in. Only my coffers will take any harm.
[ As further proof of his improved mood, he buries his face in the slope of her neck for yet another kiss, another deep intake of air that traps her scent in his nostrils. A natural source of comfort he so greedily claims without formal permission, a king turned thief. ]
And I appreciate your understanding, truly. But I do mean it when I say I am willing to try for your sake, El. You know I wish only for your happiness, and to do that, at first I thought I had to repress this beastly side of me. I may have long since accepted it, and others mostly tolerate it, but you...
[ He pulls away to seek her eyes again, and the stroke of his fingers turns into a squeeze, but a bit more forceful than a perfectly contained show of affection. Like he doesn't have to be around her. ]
You are the only one who may in fact like that side of me. Sometimes, I'm still unsure what to make of it.
[ But the thought sure does seem to cast a flustered smile upon his face. ]
no subject
Without that particular drive what is this beastly side of him actually like? Would it be like sex in the passageway but without the pointed anger? All impulse, no attempt to rein anything in, just the pursuit of gratification?
When she thinks of it that way -- and within the contest of their relationship, her trust hard-won but freely given to him -- it intrigues. It's the antithesis of how she has lived her life since the carefree innocence of her childhood was ripped away: walls of distrust and secrecy and warranted caution, a well-maintained composure to inspire confidence in all she knew she would be doing, more importance given to what she needed to achieve than what she might personally enjoy, masks upon masks.
But Dimitri knows himself better than anyone and it is impossible to view this through a sexual lens alone.
Still, it is very sweet that he grows flustered. ]
In that case... we can try it, and that is all we need do unless we find that we both enjoy it. Agreed?
[ Her own cheeks warm. Now she has to lift her hand to the side of his face, so fond, and her thumb rests near the corner of his mouth. ]
You have not found any part of me so disagreeable that you have been unable to love me. It seems as though we are evenly matched.
no subject
Whatever part of you which you may deem disagreeable, I am sure I could match it in kind. Should anyone think you a monster, that would make two of us.
[ There is a war upon their shoulders, and so much blood in their hands, and perhaps this specific choice of words even reminds him of a past that doesn't feel as far behind them now: the day they defended the Augur together, and she came to his rescue in a form he doesn't recognize. On the brink of death, so many of his memories had felt like a fever dream at the time, and yet Felix's confession had been real. Could this have been the case for Edelgard's transformation, too?
(If it is, that changes nothing between them-- save, perhaps, for the fact that she would be made even more perfect to him.)
But there is nothing monstrous about her feather-light touch on his face, or the way his arm snakes around her waist, body pulled that little bit closer to her-- almost temptingly so, and he just needs to indulge in another little kiss to last him for the following minutes, one more distraction standing in the way of their plans. Right now, they are more human than ever, clinging to fleeting happiness day after day, ever so vulnerable in the uncertainty of their last.
Somehow, it takes him back to their first. ]
To be evenly matched... I believe I told you something similar, when we first met on this island. Do you recall?
no subject
I recall that on the night we first met here you used a turn of phrase I was certain you would later find particularly mortifying.
[ But even after the fact, when all influences were long gone, he presented a stubbornly unembarrassed front. ]
Surprisingly compatible.
[ She carefully enunciates each syllable. ]
no subject
I'm afraid you were wrong, beloved. [ Dangerous words to be using with Edelgard, he knows, but the way another easy chuckle spills from him should tell her he means no serious accusation. ] I did not regret it, not one bit.
[ There was much about their relationship that did leave him mortified at one point or another, to varying degrees: their first time being intimate and the prospect of her suspecting him of purposefully offering her laced tea that he really only had meant as a thank you gift, their second time and how feral urges had driven him back to her home uninvited, the sex they had in her secret passageway just as the island wrung his old hatred out of him again. With their love solidified, most of those became reason for laughter much later on, but that one particular event as they waltzed together on an all too bright and loud dance floor? That, he would not change if he could. ]
Now, I admit that was in part wishful thinking from me. [ Moving to hold his glass with the hand encircling her waist, he is free to let his touch rise to the side of her face, stroke the line of her jaw and chin with his knuckles. ] And I may have been withholding privileged information, at the time.
[ The kiss pressed to her shoulder is almost an apology for a truth long since revealed, but just as indulgent, all the same. (Did he say his previous would be the last? Sorry, he lied.) ]
However-- [ When he pulls back up, there's just a tiny little quirk to the curve of his lips, and a subtle glint in his eyes. ] The fact remains that I was right.
no subject
But she will complain not at all about the kiss he presses to her shoulder if he will not complain about the aggressive little tug she gives him, as though they could possibly get any closer than they are. ]
You are quite pleased with yourself, aren't you?
I say that whether you were embarrassed by your bold declaration or not you did not truly know at the time.
[ He had dated memories of her from childhood and more from their days at Garreg Mach before the war began, and those were not even technically of her, no matter how similar. Does she believe it now, though?
Well. She is surprised and if her cheeks are just a bit pink she will give him little chance to notice before she takes advantage of the opportunity to steal another kiss directly from his sly lips. ]
no subject
Not at the time, no. [ An easy compromise, one he had already owned up to earlier. ] But I do know so, now.
[ It's no hunch, no suspicion or even wishful thinking; he knows so, with the absolute certainty of his beating pulse. His thumb brushes over warm pink then south, lingers over the corner of her lips, and almost as though in tune with her thoughts, he goes on before she can protest: ]
When I told you about my last meeting with your counterpart, I recall you said a smile would be as large a victory as you would willingly give. Yet, what I failed to tell you at the time was that, ever since our days together in Fhirdiad, that was all I ever wanted: to see you smile. And now I get to, every day, often as the very first sight to greet me in the morning.
[ When he presses his forehead to hers, his smile isn't as self-assured as before, but strong and confident all the same. ]
You would not take this victory from me, would you?
no subject
But as he leans in to press his forehead to hers, his words so sincere, her eyes soften measurably.
She may never be able to fully wrestle her surprise over the fact that he managed to keep a piece of significant information from her for so long, neatly dashing a few of her assumptions about him, and as much as she doesn't wish to linger on a past she cannot change she can only imagine how she would have felt to arrive at Garreg Mach and know him instantly... only to be met with a complete lack of recognition. No matter how she had tried to steel herself over the years it would have been a blow to her pride to have the boy who gave her the dagger fail to remember doing so. ]
This may surprise you, Dimitri, but there are some victories I believe we can share.
[ Some. She will never lose her competitive streak. ]
My heart has known a lightness with you that it has known with no one else.
[ First as children, at a time when she felt as though she had no freedom or friends and had been taken away from her closest family. With him she was a child at play and barely a princess at all.
And now here, where her heart has felt so heavy and her life has felt too idle, so much unfinished. While their courtship has been wildly unconventional by home-grown standards she is constantly amazed by how sweet it is to wake up to him, to fall asleep with him, to memorize by touch the scars on his skin, to have him as a companion both in battle and situations much more mundane. An equal partner, burdens shared. ]
Every smile is a shared victory over ridiculous odds.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)